Sunday, April 1, 2012

Balancing Act

I don't really believe in trying to achieve "balance". For one thing I find it an ambiguous term at best, usually used to push increasing your time/money/awareness of something someone else finds vital. As in, "You need to increase your time spent exercising! Learn to balance!" I also find it impossible to attain! So mainly trying to find balance in my life just puts all the weight on "guilty". I end up feeling badly that I spent that hour exercising instead of reading to my kids, or folding clothes instead of reading the Bible, or blogging instead of vacuuming!

However, I have found that in another sense, my entire life is a balancing act. Not putting the same amount of value, priority, time and energy into everything that wants my attention, but the precarious act of walking the thin line directly in front of me. So not a "scale" balance but a "beam" balance.

I tend to be a tad ADD. I have a hard time staying focused on one project, one book, one TV show, one child, one goal at a time. I want to do it all (which is fine) right now (which is impossible). I can't pursue my Master's Degree, home school 2 children, make all my bread from scratch, train to be a midwife, get to know all my neighbors, support my husband in the church plant, host a Redemption group at my house, join a co-op, grow a garden and have an infant all in the same year. I just can't. That's really difficult and painful for me to admit.But there it is. Hi, my name is Jennifer and I am not superwoman.

So I have to focus. I have to pick. I have to put one foot in front of the other and take only the next step. Sometimes that next step is a cartwheel, or the splits or even a leap. But there's only one place to land, one area to come down on, so much room to maneuver. I can make it pretty, graceful and land with a flourish, but I have to stay on a certain track. That grates on me! My personality says I'm really more of a interpretive dancer. But God has said, "No Ma'am!"

So here we are. I'm chomping at the bit to go further and faster with Redemption Church plant. I want to have large BBQs in our neighborhood, have all the neighbors over one-by-one for dinner, find a place to meet on Sunday mornings, learn how to play the guitar (someone has to lead worship...) and do it yesterday! But alas, I'm 3 weeks from my due date with baby #4. I'm picking homeschool curriculum for Baby #1 & #2. I just finished potty training Baby #3 and my house is almost clean. That's pretty much all the room on my plate today. Even if I had my neighbors over, they might feel a bit awkward if my water breaks! If I planned a big Easter Egg hunt, who's going to buy, fill and hide those eggs.

So for now, I trust in God's sovereign timing. He created this baby. He called us to this town. He is pouring out His Spirit, in His timing and His Way. He is whispering to me to "Be still and know that I am God. Those who wait on ME will soar on wings like Eagles. Strength will rise as you wait upon me. Unless I build the house, he who builds it labors in vain. TRUST ME!"

So, next step...

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