Thursday, January 27, 2011

Cupcakes, Cupcakes, Cupcakes

Judah's school had the 100th day celebration today where they released 100 balloons and ate 100 cupcakes. Now, I was laughing at myself, because my hippie side says, "That's not green living! All that sugar and all that litter when those balloons pop!" But Judah was excited about it. [
]Who wasn't excited? ME! Why? Because I'm room mom for Kindergarten and room mom for Kindergarten is in charge of baking all 100 cupcakes! Yikes!

When Judah's teacher emailed me that we would be doing this, I said, "This sounds like hazing! I have to bake 100 cupcakes?" Luckily, God only gives us what we can not handle and then steps in to provide for us. So, naturally, when I felt completely overwhelmed, God sent Celeste! I love Celeste. She's another Kindergarten mom who called and said, "You are NOT allowed to bake 100 cupcakes yourself! I'm helping!"

So, only 50 cupcakes later, I have now developed diabetes from licking the icing off of my fingers, am completely out of flour and if I never see another bag of powdered sugar it will be too soon! But I also am beginning to learn a few things about God and about me.

1) God loves to put me in places where I have to give up and admit total reliance on Him because I am stubborn and still steeped in "Self-Reliant Sanctification" false theology. The Holy Spirit has been gently teaching me true doctrine and true Gospel, but when "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is built into your DNA, living from those truths takes extreme circumstances. Despite being "born in a pew" I only came to the realization that the Gospel alone saved me in college. However, I still believed I was responsible for my sanctification until probably 2 years ago, and it's been a long slow road of surrender and constantly allowing my mind to be transformed and renewed.

2) I have too much on my plate for this season of my life! It's great to realize that God will sustain you when the load seems to large or the road too long. It's another altogether to heap extra burdens on your back during a time of transition. God has been teaching me about seasons since my first child was born. I want to do all things right NOW! Always have. And having children has taught me that some things (like my Masters, my midwife certification, training for a marathon, learning how to ice cupcakes right) may have to wait until a different season. So, right now, we are in the "Moving to Wisconsin in 5 months to plant the Gospel" season. Which means I don't need to be in the "Building New Communities in Temple" season or the "Over-Acheiving Room Mom" season or the "Learning New Hobbies" season. That's difficult for me. I love to fill my time. When I start having regular open spaces of time, I figure I'm getting lazy and need to sign up for something. But I'm realizing that I may need to take a break, pack a box, read a book, take a nap, write a blog and wait on God to show me what that time is for.

3) I must let God order my time, my days. There is a very popular theme going through Christian circles that you have to take "Me time" and I am really uncomfortable with that logic. None of the time is "My Time". It is all God's time. Every second. And when I over-schedule or under-schedule or schedule by myself at all, I am not surrendering to His divine purpose in my life. Now, I do believe that He loves me and that He will create times to bless me with good coffee, good books, good rest, good exercise, good chats and good movies. But when those times are numbing instead of nourishing I am not tuned in to Him. I find myself overwhelmed and undernourished and I start tuning out of life, stressing out, getting frustrated and then I turn to mind numbing pastimes from which I derive no encouragement and from which I return more cranky than I started. I must learn to give my day-timer to God and pursue Him ALL of the time, trusting Him to pursue me through work and rest.

So, there are my "Lessons Learned in the Cupcake Tray" thoughts. I'm ready for this week to be over and for Jonathan to come home. I'm ready for my one-year-old to get his molars already and stop waking up at 3 crying. And I'm ready for this period of in-between to be over!

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